i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
