ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is pants optional.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
