dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
