Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
