Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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