I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
