i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
