so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
