She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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