You just made me feel so damn special
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
