Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
