She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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