His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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