the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
