he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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