uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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