yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
3pm strippers are depressing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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