last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
