I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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