Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
