cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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