Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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