I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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