Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
