We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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