I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
farters have to be the big spoon...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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