...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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