this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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