I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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