I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
