She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
