is your mom at the bar?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
