He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
