Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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