i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
