Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
