So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
