i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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