the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
