oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have post one night stand depression
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
