those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
