Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
as a side note pls kill me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
