Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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