Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
