It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
