A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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