Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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