Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
