That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
