Someone shit on the floor
People in love make me want to vomit
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
