She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
