i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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