I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
