Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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