Are we in a gay sports bar?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
