Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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