Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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