eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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