I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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