I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
