Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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