Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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