I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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