that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
