Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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