One girl and one boy is just not enough.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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