My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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