I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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