I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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