i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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