I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
