The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
