His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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