She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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