I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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